Stop Harming Your Employees with Praise and Start Delivering Praise that Motivates and Builds Confidence
Research shows that people need 4-5 times as much praise as (even lovingly delivered) constructive feedback. Yes – adults need this as much as children. If you’re saying, “Yes! I’m in!” you may also want to consider what to praise – it’s not as obvious as you think, and you may be accidentally harming your employees with well-intentioned praise.
The Problem with Praising Accomplishment
I was praised often as a child for my accomplishments – whether it was getting an “A” in a class, playing well in a piano recital, or even doing my chores well. As an adult at work, I am usually praised for achievements and accomplishing goals, like successfully completing an important project. This kind of praise is great – except in the ways it’s harmful.
Before I explain, let me say that I am not complaining about being praised – some people are surrounded by people who don’t praise much at all, and I am grateful for the support I’ve received. However, researchers believe (and I have experienced) that being praised primarily for accomplishments creates a “fixed” mindset – one in which one’s identity is tied to getting something right, to being the best, and even to being perfect.
This can lead to avoiding doing things you aren’t already good at – which stunts growth and blocks our human need for self-realization – or can cause needless worrying, self-criticism, and fear of failure in the pursuit of growth, which I can testify is emotionally exhausting and takes up valuable time that could otherwise be spent in productive and much more enjoyable pursuits. (Note: it is possible to grow out of a fixed mindset, and I’ve done it – more on this in a future blog.)
How to Praise to Increase Motivation and Confidence
Adults can be propelled into a “growth” or “learning” mindset by the right conversations, including setting an expectation of failure as a natural part of the learning process, and praising the right things. Praise for effort, progress, and even failure can reinforce learning over perfection and thus create openness and excitement about learning, growing, and taking risks. This is crucial in today’s work environment, where even with the advent of AI, human creativity and skill are still differentiators. Adults with a “growth” or “learning” mindset take more risks, grow more, and ultimately outpace others, and so do companies that foster this mindset.
Sara Blakely, the CEO of Spanx, who started the brand with $5,000 in savings and grew it into a billion-dollar business, grew up with her father asking her every night at dinner, “What did you fail at today?” When she shared a failure, he would give her a high-five. She credits that nightly ritual with giving her the tenacity to persevere through two years of rejections when she was starting out.
We could all use more confidence and willingness to grow and take risks, and our organizations would benefit greatly from it. To foster others’ confidence and willingness to grow, praise effort, progress, and even failure. This is particularly important for those who are learning a new skill or taking on a big challenge. They may be battling feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure, and your words can help them free up some psychological space and motivate them to keep going, allowing them to be more creative and productive at work.
Happier, more confident humans lead to more successful workplaces. So, build happiness and confidence by praising effort, progress, and failure as well as accomplishments. Happy praising!